Are You Experienced: Holiday Edition Part One
In which we have an N.A. Beer with Fear
WARNING: I’M ASKING FOR SUBSCRIPTION OR DONATION MONEY - if you want to skip ahead, the rest starts down the page.
As I reflect on the past year, sitting here in my trusty sweater beside the trusty fire, my trusty copy of the Necronomicon in one hand, I reflect:
I’ve been spending a lot of time on this newsletter. It’s a lot more effort than I thought it would be. This gestalt of me, purging myself of so many hidden truths and revelations.
Based on near unanimous feedback, I’m striking a resonant chord.
Looking into 2025, and how I want to be spending my time, I’d much rather be spending it here, talking to you, than arguing with a sociopathic developer or using phrases like “boil the ocean” and “low hanging fruit” in pitch meetings for bankers who literally do not care if I exist.
Before we get into this holiday edition of Are You Experienced, I ask you, if you’re so moved, would you consider either a paid subscription or a one-time donation?
I’ll put the buttons here.
If you’d like to simply make a one time donation of your own choosing, here’s a link.
Better yet, if you have the spare ducats, a Founding Membership will earn you a place on the virtual trophy wall of my soul. Or possibly in the credits of all upcoming newsletters, should you want such a thing.
I will continue to leave these newsletters open to the public, for as long as I humanly can, as I want to reach as many people as possible.
Comments are open.
And thank you to my Founding Members! And thanks to my current subscribers!
If you’d like a dedicated time to chat about the week’s essay, I’m all for it. I haven’t explored the whole “Chat” feature on Substack, but I’m game if you are. Just let me know.
It’s time for reflection. I’ve had a couple of literal near death experiences *last week* that have slapped me full across the face, with a large, wet mackerel of my own mortality.
I have always had allergies, I thought it was just something everyone has here in Austin, TX.
Cedar. Mold. Dust. Dog dander (that’s why Olive is so importantly a miniature schnauzer, they are hypoallergenic dogs), cat spit, the usual. Here, as I sit astride my writing desk, looking out my window, there’s a Cedar tree in full, pollen-laden bloom.
But I did not know, and I still do not know exactly *what*, that something in either raw shrimp, Tajin chile salt, Mexican spicy candy, or all of the above, will send me into anaphylactic shock.
This is something I learned no less than twice, in the past 10 days.
I now carry a man-bag (“It’s European!” he cries) with an epi-pen and instructions to call 911 and my reading glasses in it, everywhere.
The first happened at a restaurant on the east side of Austin, Con Vista Al Mar.
The second happened when I tasted the aforementioned spicy Mexican watermelon candy. Upon contact, my tongue high-speed ejected it straight into the garbage. And the coughing began.
In both cases I found myself not only gasping for a breath, but also simultaneously having a massive panic attack. And my windpipe was closing.
I didn’t know if I should start with a Benadryl or Xanax.
Turns out, it’s 2 Benadryl. Then a Xanax. Or, in my case, an epi-pen, then, according to the doctor, even a Pepsid, then call 911 and get ready for the ER.
I’m seeing an allergist in January. I just got over a massive sickness virus thing that decimated me, and I have been taking fluconazole “bombs” every week to stop a skin infection.
And so, reflection. A good time for it.
I’ve been working on a mental health and sobriety Substack and Podcast called The Small Bow for my friends Garrett Kamps and AJ Daulerio. In the most recent issue, AJ wrote out his list of fears from 2024, In the next he promises his list of things he is grateful for.
This is a good concept. And so I am stealing it. Thank you AJ and Garrett for the inspiration.
Nick’s List of Fears, 2024
Losing my vision, also known as macular degeneration, or just the lingering, slow dissolution of magazine font sizes and menus
Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, which my father had and survived, and continues to thrive despite having had it
Being mauled to death by a bear, specifically a black bear, which inhabit my parents’ property, eat filthy garbage, and generally exist to haunt my over active imagination. I see a bear in the yard and I am in my own personal Stephen King novel. “Cub.” Coming to a Barnes and Noble near you.
Rent, Debt and Taxes
Allergens, specifically what are they, and where do they live, and why is it they seem most happy when I’m asleep in the safety of my bedroom
Forgetting to respond to IRS notices
Forgetting to check my bank balance and then paying a large bill
Hyper ambition and the near-impossibility of being ambitious at my age with only so many waking moments left, and the fact that most funders don’t want a 55 year old entrepreneur, they want a tech bro straight out of college
Over committing myself to work despite there only being so many hours in the day, despite feeling like you’ve “hacked’ that problem by getting up at 4AM and working straight through til 8PM
Drinking and blacking out
Whether drinking and the anti-depressant medication I’m on do in fact significantly increase my chance of blacking out
Depression and Anxiety
Not having visited my parents enough, despite the presence of man-mauling black bears
Losing the ability to use my hands, usually through some sort of band-saw related disaster
Letting things slip my mind despite copious lists and lists of lists and software
Forgetting to use all the software tools I’ve so carefully selected for myself to not let myself let things slip
Missing self-imposed deadlines on Are You Experienced
What if I run out of ideas?
What if I can’t write well enough to keep people reading?
Am I even a good person?
Am I not a good enough husband?
Having to be as social as I used to be, without the myriad crutches of tequila, Fireball or Jagermeister shots
Having to be as social as I used to be in general
Standing for long periods of time, especially at restaurants
Arthritis and its continued assault on my joints
My dog getting sick, like the emergency room visits earlier this year because she couldn't pee and the horrible sound of her screaming in pain and the sadness in her small, brown eyes
My wife getting sick, like she got a few years ago and it was terrifying
Me getting sick, like I always tend to do around this time of year. See the top of the list.
And so we come to a close of this FEAR based edition of Are You Experienced.
Jesus, what a BUMMER!
See you next time for GRATITUDE. Next time: PEPPY.
See you in the new year for new essays, new thoughts, new ideas.
I hope you stick around, it’s been nice having you here.
You’ve been reading the holiday edition of Are You Experienced. I’m Nick Tangborn, and you can reach out to me at nicholas@areyouexperienced.co
That’s right, dot CO, we scrimped on the M.
Nick Tangborn writes the Are You Experienced newsletter, is Chief of Staff at Ekonomisk Management (Andrew Bird, Alan Sparhawk, My Brightest Diamond), and runs Marketing at The Small Bow, a sobriety and mental health media outfit. He is formerly of BitTorrent, Rhapsody, CNET, and Batter Blaster.
Bandsaw?
Kudos for making me laugh — loudly and lengthily — while writing about your recent near-death experience: '...slapped me full across the face, with a large, wet mackerel of my own mortality.'
And while we're at it: 'Lovecraftian diarrhea.'